Naruto & Kiba's 12 waysto get kicked outta Walmart
by CaityAndNaeHeartCookies
Summary: What happens when two boys get their hands on a video camera. a reluctant cameraman and a trip to a poor, unsuspecting Walmart? ONESHOT


**Okie dokies! Well this story is based on a script I wrote for an animated video I am making, starring me (Replaced with Naruto), Caity (Kiba) and our buddy Tash (Neji)!**

* * *

"Is it on?"

"Yes!"

"Ok! Hey everyone, Im Kiba!"

"And Im Naruto!"

"Today we will showing you some of the most super-duperly awesome ways to get kicked outta Walmart, or pretty much any shop you aren't already banned from..."

"Yes, that is why we chose Walmart...damn Target....Anyway! We will also be joined by our camerawomen, umm, I mean man, Neji!!! See heres a picture of her, uhh, him! Why am I showing a picture and not just letting him turn the camera around? Well, I figured that this show would lose ratings if our viewers went blind..."

Scared expressions crossed the teens faces .

"Oh fishsticks.." Kiba mumbled, more to himself then anyone else.

The screen turned to static.

**1. Wrap a hose or similar object around yourself and shout something along the lines of "AAAHH!!! IM BEING HELD HOSTAGE!!"**

"Naruto..OI, Naruto!"

Naruto (sporting a rather sore looking black eye ) looked at the camera, his finger still in his nose.

"Wait what? Oh yeah..."

He whipped his finger out of his nose. He was standing atop a chair in the camping section of Walmart, a hose wrapped around him. A sigh was heard from behind the camera.

"AAHH!! IM BEING HELD HOSTAGE, SOMEONE HELP ME OR SOMETHIN!!! Whatchu lookin at punk? Yeah thats right, you keep walkin buddy, jus' keep walkin!"

Naruto glared at a nearby shopper, who had stopped to gaze at the rather odd sight.

"Oh god..."

Neji shook his head. Why did they have to drag him along to make this silly video? Surely Lee, or even Gaara would make a better cameraman...

**2. Throw pokeballs at randoms yelling "Pikachu, I choose you!"**

The camera zoomed in on Kiba grinning as the Pokemon theme song played over the intercom – courtesy of Naruto.

_I wanna be the very best,  
Like no one ever was._

_To catch them is my real test,  
To train them is my cause. _

Kiba grabbed his cap and spun it around, Ash Ketchup, umm I mean Ketchum style.

_I will travel across the land,  
Searching far and wide._

_For Pokemon to understand,  
The power thats inside._

He ducked around a corner, his eyes set on an innocent old lady doing her shopping, completely oblivious to the teen following her. He pulled his arm back....

_POKEMON! Gotta catch 'em all!  
Its you and me,  
I know its my destiny_

The Pokeball flew from Kibas hand,

_POKEMON! Oooh, your my best friend,  
In a world we must defend_

_POKEMON! Gotta catch 'em all,  
A heart so true, our courage will pull us through!_

And hit the poor, lil' old lady on the head.

"Pikachu!! I choose you!!"

The music abruptly stopped. The camera zoomed in on the lady, who was glaring harshly at Kiba, annoyed at having her shopping so rudely interrupted. Brandishing her walking stick, she marched towards Kiba.

"Why I outta, I'll teach you hooligan a lesson, I'll-"

"Heh heh, hi?"

And with that, Kiba zipped off the screen, leaving a real pissed off granny in his wake and a disappointed cameraman – Kiba getting bashed up by an old lady caught on tape would have been worth all his trouble...

**3. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.**

Once again, Naruto had somehow tapped into the intercom, so army music was playing.

"Thats it Naruto, me an my awesome army of G.I Joes are gonna take you and your freak army down!"

Kiba stood at one end of the aisle, an entire army composed of G.I Joe, G.I Joe, G.I Joe and even G.I Joe surrounded his feet (A.N: Lol, I dunno if G.I Joe has any buddies, so yeah, its just him and his clones vs. The mutants). Naruto stood on the other side of the aisle, his army had a bit more variation to it. There was Wolverine, Storm, uuuh, the one with the glowy eyes...the uuuh wheelchair one...I give up...

"Dont worry Wolvie, he didn't mean it...Bring it on!"

Naruto clutched one of his Wolverine action figures to his chest and performed a super-awesome duck to avoid a G.I Joe that had somehow learnt how to fly.

"Aaah, is that the best you can do, ayyyye?? Wolverine, take charge!" Naruto held out his beloved action figure. He then leant down and scooped up a Storm action figure, switching to a rather odd voice that sounded a lot like a dying chipmunk. " Ok! Storm! Hey have I commented on how pretty your hair is today?" He said, moving Wolverine around as if her were talking to Storm (A.N: If your one of those people who have never played with dolls, you probably wont understand) He then changed to a high pitched, girlie voice. "Why no, no you haven't, but I must say, your outfit is stunning."

Kiba sweat dropped at the odd scene, 'till he was knocked down because he got in the way of Storms attempt at flying.

"Hah! You let your guard down!"

Naruto grinned with triumph.

**4. Follow one person around the store. Poke them every so often. When they snap and yell at you scream, "STALKER!!" and run off.**

Kiba darted around the store, humming the Mission Impossible theme, fully pimped out in the latest cameo outfit (but like that would help him in a supermarket...).

His prey, the little old lady from earlier, watched suspiciously out of the corner of her eye and quickened her pace.

Anyway, meanwhile with Naruto...

**5. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"**

Naruto gazed at a pair of rather large, pink, frilly womens underwear, mentally daring that store assistant over there to ask him for help. Jimmy, as his mother so lovingly named him, confidently approached Naruto, it was his first day on the job and he wanted to make a good impression, after all.

"'Scuse me sir, do you require any assistance?"

Naruto suddenly fell to his knees.

"Why wont you people just leave me alone??" Naruto yelled at no one in particular. Jimmy slowly backed away...

Kiba, meanwhile, was peeking over the top of a clothes rack, waiting for his prey. The dear elderly lady was hiding on the other side and, convinced she had lost Kiba in the mad dash from the pet section to the womens clothes, she cautiously peeped over the top of the clothes rack only to.....Come face to face with Kiba.

"Aaah!!! What do you want?? Cant an old lady do her shopping in peace without a crazy hooligan following her every step?"

She finished by wacking Kiba over the head with her walking stick. Kiba grimaced at the pain throbbing through his head. _Man that lady was vicious...  
_So much for yelling stalker...His next ninja mission - to find the Panadol section...

Neji was happy at least.

**6. Go up to an employee and ask random and annoying questions one after the other.**

Poor Jimmy. All he wanted in life was to become the best Walmart worker there ever was, just like his father...But, dreams like that are a little difficult to obtain if you are harassed by teens on your first day...

"Do you like cookies?"

"I uhh –"

"What were you doin' in the ladies underwear section?"

"I-"

"Whys your hair so funny?"

"My mum-"

"Do you wear ladies underwear? Is that why you were there?"

"No, I-"

"Do you eat Cheezels?"

"Whats your favourite colour?"

"Are you scared of polony sandwhiches?"

"Why do you all wear nametags? Cant you remember your own names?"

"Did you know that I like Polony sandwhiches?"

Jimmy had had enough. Information overload. Brain explode.

"AAAAAHHH!!!"

He ran away clutching his head. Poor, poor Jimmy...

**7. Hold a bag of frozen veggies over your head and yell "Fear me and my evil army of frozen carrots!!**

Kiba and Naruto stood on top of a shelf in the freezer section, each holding a bag of frozen something or other above their heads.

"Fear us and our evil army of frozen carrots!" Kiba yelled, a maniacal grin on his face.

"And peas.." Naruto whispered.

"Yes, and peas!"

Suddenly, Naruto's bag split open, spilling its contents onto – Jimmy, who was attempting to stock shelves.

"I told you to fear us! See how evil we are! Hah! Hah hah!"

**8. Get a batman costume, put it on, and run around the store screaming at the top of your lungs, "COME ROBIN! TO THE BATMOBILE!"**

Naruto grinned into the camera, fully convinced that his batman outfit is so much 'pimpier' then Kiba's cameo. Clearing his throat, he proceeded to run...

"COME ROBIN, TO THE BATMOBILE!!!"

Mothers were seen quickly dragging their children from the shop. Neji, meanwhile, was struggling to keep up with Batman, umm I mean Naruto, his superpower-less form un-able to match Batman's super speed, or in this case Naruto's sugar rush. The remaining kids thought batman was great..

"YAY!! BATMAN!!!"

Naruto stopped yelling and looked around, a look of pure terror upon his face. The kids were stampeding directly for him, and there is no way Batman was gonna die like this! Naruto eyes shot around, looking for an escape route. A mischievous grin spread across his face when he found one.

"Wait!!!!"

The kids halted.

"Look, look!!! Its Ronald Mcdonald, in disguise!!! He might give you free...uhh....apple pies!!"

Gaara looked up from browsing the socks, startled at the rumbling that seemed to be getting closer....

**9. Draw moustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.**

The teens were drawing on two currently unseen photos of models, the loud squeaking of markers and the occasion snicker was all that could be heard.

"Done Naruto?"

"Yup!"

The boys stepped back and the two photos came into view.

"Naruto! You hardly did anything!"

Narutos picture was one of Rock Lee doing his signature grin and thumbs up, advertising some unheard brand of toothpaste.

"Whaaat? I did an L on his forehead, plus he didn't need my help..."

"True..."

**10. Go to the customer service desk and place an order for food, like you would at a takeaway. When they say they can't, start accusing them of discrimination.**

Sick of those rowdy teens, poor Jimmy figured the safest place to work would be at customer service, theres no way he will get rained on by a bag of peas here! His face fell greatly at the sight of two familiar, extremely dreaded faces...

"Hii..I would like to order a bacon BLT without the bacon, a large fries, a chocolate Sundae, hmm, throw in an apple pie, and strawberry thickshake, oh, and a large diet coke, but make sure its a diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight you see, and a normal coke would make me fat."

Naruto finished off his order with a perfectly innocent grin. Kiba waited patiently in the background.

"Umm, I'm sorry sir, but we don't-"

"This is cause I'm blonde, innit? I'd expect this from Mcdonalds, but not Chuck .E Cheese!"

Naruto scoffed. Kiba meanwhile was making some rather rude gestures in the background.

"Uhhh, sir this is Walmart..."

Naruto took on a defensive stance.

"Oh, so noooow your dissing my sign reading skills? Thats it, Kiba, we are goin to do something constructive! Not waste our time with people who don't even know the name of the place they work!"

Naruto turned and stalked off, Kiba in tow.

"What do you-"

Kiba spun on his heels and faced Jimmy, his hand in the air. Naruto kept walking.

"Nup! Don't wanna hear it! Talk to the hand!"

And with that, he again spun on his heels and continued his walking.

**11. Steal some ketchup/sauce, smear it over yourself then yell about how something/someone tried to kill you.**

Kiba ran into the woman's change rooms, covered in bright red sauce.

"AAHHH!! QUICK!!! SOMEONE CALL 911!! THE HOTDOG TRIED TO EAT ME!"

Kiba shook his arms around, flinging sauce everywhere, a psychotic look on his face. The women screamed as they tried to run out, almost knocking Neji over who stood in the doorway. He was a gentleman after all, and therefore didn't dare _enter_ the women's change rooms, but there was nothing about merely standing in the doorway....

A voice was heard from behind the camera.

"Aaah..Kiba...was it ketchup or pineapple you were allergic to?"

Kiba stopped what he was doing and stared into the camera, his look of confusion gradually replaced with one of shock.

"I'm allergic to ketchup?.....OMG!!! SOMEONE GET IT OFF!!!"

Kiba dropped to the ground, rolling around as he tried to rid himself of the dangerous substance. A snicker was heard from Neji.

"Hmmm, this isn't quite what I meant by constructive..."

Another voice joined Neji's, and Kiba meanwhile was still thrusting about on the floor.

"GAAAH!! IT BURNS!!!"

"Oh hey Naruto...Is Kiba really allergic to sauce?"

"No..."

Kiba stopped.

"I'm not? Ooooh...."

**12. Knock over all the shelves and run around screaming 'EARTHQUAKE! EVERYONE RUN!'**

The video showed Naruto running around, knocking over this and that.

"EARTHQUAKE!!! EVERYONE RUN!!! SAVE THE WOMEN AND THE RAMEN!!!" Naruto yelled as he pushed a shelf over onto the unfortunate Jimmy."Tah! Now thats what I call constructive!"

Kiba's head suddenly occupied the screen.

"ITS THE APOCALYPSE!!"

When Kiba's head finally got out of the way, all that could be seen was mass destruction, before the camera cut out and was replaced with static...

When the camera finally came back, it showed Naruto and Kiba standing back in the carpark, a burning wallmart in the background. Kiba turned to Naruto.

"Well that was fun, kmart next?"

Naruto nodded his head in agreement.

"Kmart..."

Police sirens could be heard ringing in the background. Again, a voice behind the camera.

"You two are in sooo much trouble...."

"Dont worry Nej, we'll bail you out!"

Kiba quickly stated before he zipped off.

"If we remember!"

Added Naruto before he too zipped away.

"Wait, what?"


End file.
